Those of you that know me, know that I don't know a lot of stuff. But one of the areas I am pretty knowledgeable about is job searching and how to market oneself to find a new job. Those skills has certainly come in handy for me of late!
Yesterday, I received notification that in order for me to use the services of the DOL (Department of Labor), I needed to participate in a JSAP (Job Search Assistance Program) workshop offered by the local DOL office!!! I read that letter and just absolutely split a gutt because just 2 weeks earlier, I had finished teaching a 1 credit workshop at USF on, "How to Get a Job in Difficult Times!" I thought to myself, "OK, what do I do about this mandate from DOL? "
So I called the local DOL office and talked with a very nice woman and explained the fact that I was being required to take this job search workshop and that I have been teaching that kind of workshop for the past 22 years and in fact had just finished teaching it about 2 weeks ago to a group of college students! There was total silence on the other end of the line. I almost started laughing. The young woman quietly responded with, "Oh my. I am not sure how we deal with things like this. I think I need to have you call the folks at the South Dakota DOL in Aberdeen and ask them." I thanked her with a chuckle in my voice and got off the phone, put the letter and phone down and laughed for about 5 minutes!!!!!!! In fact, I am still laughing almost 24 hrs. later!!!!!
So I graciously called the SD DOL and again talked with a very nice young woman and explained my situation and asked her what I should do?Again, I received silence and a response from her of, "You know, I have never faced that issue before, let me talk with my supervisor!" It was a good thing she needed to talk with her supervisor because I started laughing and almost hung up the phone because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop laughing by the time the woman got back on the phone.
About 3 minutes later the DOL woman came back on and said, "You know, that is really a local office issue not a state issue. Would you mind calling the Sioux Falls DOL Office and tell them what I said and ask them what we should do about it?" By then I was trying to talk and not laugh at the same time. The gal from DOL was laughing now as well. I said to the woman before hanging up the phone, "Miss, thank you (laugh, laugh, laugh) so much for your help." [Ed. Note:What help? I was at the same place before I ever called the first DOL number earlier in the afternoon!] I got off the phone and had to go to the bathroom I was laughing so hard. I thought about calling Evie and Carrie but knew I wouldn't be able to talk so they would even know who had called because I was laughing so hard!
So I called back the DOL in Sioux Falls. I kept praying I would get the same woman and I did (her name is Jennifer and I think we know each other so well by now we must be related!). I said when she answered the phone, "Jennifer, this is Mark Patterson, do you remember me?" By then she was laughing and so was I. Trying to gain some composure to the situation I said, "Jennifer, I bet you think I am some snob who thinks he shouldn't have to come to that workshop because I know it all!" Jennifer who was still laughing said, "No, actually Mr. Patterson, you sound like a lot of fun!" [ Ed. Note: I wanted to say to her, "Jennifer, you should attend one of my job search workshops, I am a riot!!!!!"]
So we finally both collected ourselves and I asked her what I should do? Her response was, "I don't know who to even talk to about it?" I responded with, "Jennifer, I know Greg Johnson, the local manager
personally, could I speak with him?" So because he was out of the office, I was sent to his voicemail. Try leaving a voicemail and sound respectful of the DOL but not laugh after that story! Good luck!
Later in the afternoon Greg called me back and I told him the story. Now he was laughing. He told me that he needed to document this situation and could I come in for an appointment the next day (Today!). So I did. I took a copy of the materials I handed out at the last job search workshop I conducted and a copy of my resume. He looked over the materials and said, "So you said you used to run the Aberdeen Career Center in Aberdeen, SD and taught the JSAP Workshop Mark?" I responded with, "That's right Greg. In fact the Center did such a good job, the DOL asked us to teach the workshops for the local DOL office!" Greg responded with, "Well, this is ridiculous Mark. I will sign you off and will let the SD DOL know that you are more than qualified so you won't need to attend!" By then I was thinking "shoot, after all the telephone calls and this meeting, I probably could have attended the JSAP Workshop and would have spent less time!!!" But Greg was very nice and supportive. He closed with, "I apologize that you had to waste your time coming down here for this!" I thanked him and then left. [Ed. Note: By the way, Greg asked if he could keep both my resume and a copy of the handouts from the workshop I had conducted because he liked them both so much!]
I walked out of the DOL Office laughing and smiling. All of the clients were probably wondering what job I had just gotten to be so happy! As I drove away I started laughing again. I even tried calling my twin brother, Tim Bob (sad but I got the brains, the height and good looks) he got the body!!!!! Tim was in a meeting (you know some people work for a living in this world!) but said he would call me back later in the day.
As I was driving home I got thinking about what if I had gone to that JSAP Workshop? What would have happened? Here are some of the comments I thought might be said if I attended the workshop:
"Mr. Patterson, could you tell me the purpose of a resume?"
"Mr. Patterson, what is a successful job search?"
"Mr. Patterson, remember resumes don't get jobs, people do!"
"Mr. Patterson, could you tell me what you know about finding a job?" (I would have to leave the room because I would be wetting my pants from laughing so hard!)
"Mr. Patterson, you have sat in this workshop the last 8 hours and haven't asked a single question. Do you really think getting a job is all that easy sir? With an attitude like that, you will never get a job Mr. Patterson!"
"Mr. Patterson, what kind of work have you done in your professional career?" and I would respond with, "I used to help people get jobs!" And their response would be, "Sure Mr. Patterson and I am the Pope!"
"So Mr. Know-It-All, I suppose you have even helped the Pope get a job right?" And I would have to respond with, "Well actually, I remember when the Pope was born and yes come to think of it, I did help him write his resume!!!!!!! He wasn't very marketable if I remember correctly!"
So hope you all get a laugh out of this story and won't need the services of the DOL and have to attend a JSAP workshop! Have a GREAT day! I certainly am!
Markus
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